A raw and honest story about how transforming my life led to unexpected love – and what that means for your journey after 40
When my father’s worried whispers about my single status reached me from across continents, I was already forty-something and choosing a path less traveled. I had become the subject of hushed conversations in our community, and little did I know, this was exactly where I needed to be.
The Letter That Started It All
It was 2015, in aunty Faye’s house in Phoenix, Durban. The air hung thick with humidity, pressing against skin and spirit alike. Into this stillness burst a woman, robust and proud, dragging along a bewildered yet besotted young man. Her announcement echoed through the neighborhood: she had found love by writing a detailed letter to God.
“What a bunch of bollocks,” I thought.
Years passed. I stayed single. And then, at a point when I had resigned myself to permanent solitude, I found myself writing my own letter to God. Just as detailed, just as specific. That letter got buried in a journal, underneath hundreds of pages of thoughts and feelings, seemingly forgotten by both God and time.
The Real Transformation Begins
But here’s what actually changed everything: I stopped waiting for life to happen and started creating it instead. My transformation began with the most fundamental aspects of daily life.
Physical Transformation
I completely revolutionized my relationship with food and movement. Gone were the endless carbs, replaced by nourishing salads, fresh fruits, and protein-rich nuts. Every meal became an act of self-care rather than self-comfort. The results were remarkable – 20 kilograms melted away, but more importantly, my energy soared.
My daily routine became a testament to self-love:
- Morning yoga to greet the day
- HIIT sessions to challenge my limits
- Mindful walks to clear my head and heal my heart
- Positive affirmations to rebuild my spirit
Finding My Voice Online
What started as a simple desire to document my weight loss journey turned into something far more powerful. I began creating content that reflected my transformation:
- Daily video updates showing the raw reality of change
- Live sessions sharing struggles and victories
- Guest blog posts telling my story
- Healthy recipes that sustained my new lifestyle
Each post, each video, each shared moment became a brick in the foundation of my growing confidence.
The Inner Work
The most profound changes happened in the quiet moments:
- Meditation became my anchor
- Journaling helped process the whispers and judgments
- A simple phrase – “I am enough” – written on my mirror became the first message I saw every morning
- A daily routine that prioritized my wellbeing above others’ opinions
The Unexpected Sliding Into DMs
And then – BOOM.
He appeared in my social media messages while I was busy building my side hustle. What started as casual conversation evolved into days, weeks, and months of deep connection. My future husband had found me, not through a divine letter delivery service, but through authentic self-expression and shared values.
The Truth About Following Your Own Path
When you’re over 40 and choosing differently, people struggle to categorize you. Unable to understand my path, some questioned my sexuality – it was the only explanation they could fathom for an unmarried woman my age.
Here’s what I learned about authentic transformation:
- When you follow your truth, it makes others uncomfortable
- When you can’t be neatly categorized, you become a “problem”
- When people don’t understand your choices (and most won’t), they will talk
- When you step away from the familiar, it feels deeply isolating
- When you choose differently, some friends and family will distance themselves
It hurts. It feels lonely. The journey often feels like planting seeds in an empty field with no guarantee of growth.
The Patience of Blooming
That letter I wrote to God? It was answered years later, but only after I took action to move my life in the direction I wanted. Not everything in that letter manifested exactly as written – and that’s okay. Life has its own poetry.
I waited 45 years to find the right partner, to experience a fulfilled relationship, to get married.
Was it worth it? Yes. Yes. And yes.
Your Journey Begins Now
As you stand at the crossroads of change, remember that transformation isn’t a straight line. Give yourself permission to dream in decades, not just months. Allow yourself the grace of time and the dignity of progress at your own pace.
Make space to grieve – for the loved ones who won’t see your success, for the friendships that will fade, for the versions of yourself you’ll outgrow.
Start anyway. Keep going anyway.
Sometimes the most beautiful flowers take the longest to bloom. Trust your timeline.
About the Author: Lisa Marie Lawler is a transformational coach who helps women over 40 find confidence and clarity in their lives. Through one-on-one coaching sessions, she guides clients to discover their authentic path and create meaningful change. Her approach combines practical strategies with deep inner work, drawing from her own journey of transformation.