I’ve heard a lot lately that our love story is giving people hope, which in itself is wonderful but if young singles have no hope, it is an indication of what the state of dating is like in 2021. And probably not just 2021 because I can remember as far back as 2012 when I was writing about what a jungle it was out there.
Now it’s probably even worse. I mean, I was in the singles game for a while and even I didn’t fully understand the terms “it’s complicated” or “friends with benefits” and as for online dating and Tinder, don’t get me started.
I lasted half a day on Tinder and not even that on other dating apps. What I would do is spend time creating a wonderful and witty profile, knowing that witty would be wasted on most but hey, I was trying I told myself, and then I would start swiping.
And then I would swipe and swipe. And swipe some more. I don’t know what you might have heard from other people about online dating but let me tell you it was horrifying. So much so that I didn’t even last long enough to contact anyone because all I could see (and granted maybe it was just my dramatic mind) were serial killers.
Life is all about a sequence of events and you’ll meet people, mostly strangers, who have a message for you, all you need to do is listen.
I was visiting my brother-in-law’s parents and while I was there a few other people came by. Amongst them was a woman who was over the moon because she had just met her dream man. My aunty, who is not really my aunty but my brother-in-law’s mother, then proceeded to tell her that I was single and needed some advice on how to find a man.
This was her advice: WRITE A LETTER TO GOD. She told me that this is what she did, and she got everything she asked for. Well, to say that I rolled my eyes at the time would be an understatement. I was like, yeah sure, I’ll do that.
Fast-forward to 2018 and my non-existent yet disastrous experiences with online dating, dismal social life, and a lack of desire to even try getting out there, I decided to write a letter to God. I detailed very specifically everything I wanted in a man from physical appearance to personality to values etc.
And left it at that.
At the same time, I decided to take control of my life, get my health in check, change my lifestyle, and ultimately work on making ME happy. My main focus was on loving myself more and just being happy every single day.
I would go back to that letter every now and then and read it to remind myself of what I wanted because don’t be fooled if you think that Little Toads are not going to show up. They start popping up everywhere.
This is the point where it can go two ways. Either you recognize the Little Toad for exactly what it is and continue to wait patiently or your build that Little Toad up into a Fine Prince and convince yourself that this is it. Surely, it must be. So, you date the “Fine Prince” until his little toadish behaviour becomes so apparent and obvious that you can no longer convince yourself the this is a Fine Prince.
You feel distraught that you made the wrong decision, that it didn’t work out and that you are right back where you started.
All I can say is, you made a decision (right or wrong is inconsequential), it taught you a lesson and you are better for it because in that process you probably learnt more about yourself.
I can’t say how long you will have to wait for. I waited for 2 years because it was only in 2020 that I met the man in my letter to God and it was when I least expected it and on a platform that I had completely written off; online.
With everything that we desire in life, whether it be a partner, a new house or a dream job, we need to be VERY specific about what we want, we need to set an intention and believe that we will get it, we need to ask (write a letter to God) and then we need to let it go.
In time, PATIENCE and HOPE will bring it to you.
This is life.
Sending you blessings, with love.