On Dating, Love and Hope

Man and woman standing next to each other on a summmer's day

I’ve heard a lot lately that our love story is giving people hope, which in itself is wonderful but if young singles have no hope, it is an indication of what the state of dating is like in 2021. And probably not just 2021 because I can remember as far back as 2012 when I was writing about what a jungle it was out there.

Now it’s probably even worse. I mean, I was in the singles game for a while and even I didn’t fully understand the terms “it’s complicated” or “friends with benefits” and as for online dating and Tinder, don’t get me started.

I lasted half a day on Tinder and not even that on other dating apps. What I would do is spend time creating a wonderful and witty profile, knowing that witty would be wasted on most but hey, I was trying I told myself, and then I would start swiping.

And then I would swipe and swipe. And swipe some more. I don’t know what you might have heard from other people about online dating but let me tell you it was horrifying. So much so that I didn’t even last long enough to contact anyone because all I could see (and granted maybe it was just my dramatic mind) were serial killers.

Life is all about a sequence of events and you’ll meet people, mostly strangers, who have a message for you, all you need to do is listen.

I was visiting my brother-in-law’s parents and while I was there a few other people came by. Amongst them was a woman who was over the moon because she had just met her dream man. My aunty, who is not really my aunty but my brother-in-law’s mother, then proceeded to tell her that I was single and needed some advice on how to find a man.

This was her advice: WRITE A LETTER TO GOD. She told me that this is what she did, and she got everything she asked for. Well, to say that I rolled my eyes at the time would be an understatement. I was like, yeah sure, I’ll do that.

Fast-forward to 2018 and my non-existent yet disastrous experiences with online dating, dismal social life, and a lack of desire to even try getting out there, I decided to write a letter to God. I detailed very specifically everything I wanted in a man from physical appearance to personality to values etc.

And left it at that.

At the same time, I decided to take control of my life, get my health in check, change my lifestyle, and ultimately work on making ME happy. My main focus was on loving myself more and just being happy every single day.

I would go back to that letter every now and then and read it to remind myself of what I wanted because don’t be fooled if you think that Little Toads are not going to show up. They start popping up everywhere.

This is the point where it can go two ways. Either you recognize the Little Toad for exactly what it is and continue to wait patiently or your build that Little Toad up into a Fine Prince and convince yourself that this is it. Surely, it must be. So, you date the “Fine Prince” until his little toadish behaviour becomes so apparent and obvious that you can no longer convince yourself the this is a Fine Prince.

You feel distraught that you made the wrong decision, that it didn’t work out and that you are right back where you started.

All I can say is, you made a decision (right or wrong is inconsequential), it taught you a lesson and you are better for it because in that process you probably learnt more about yourself.

I can’t say how long you will have to wait for. I waited for 2 years because it was only in 2020 that I met the man in my letter to God and it was when I least expected it and on a platform that I had completely written off; online.

With everything that we desire in life, whether it be a partner, a new house or a dream job, we need to be VERY specific about what we want, we need to set an intention and believe that we will get it, we need to ask (write a letter to God) and then we need to let it go.

In time, PATIENCE and HOPE will bring it to you.

This is life.

Sending you blessings, with love.

Are You Living Or Existing?

There are so many stories lately of people who have been sick or have passed on due to Covid. There are so many more of people living in fear. We may or may not get a chance to say a last goodbye to those we hold dear and while the thought is terrifying it is even more so to just EXIST in a world that is still so full of LIFE.

This poem is a reminder for us to truly LIVE because this life we have is but for a brief moment only. Be SAFE by all means, but also be joyful. Shake things up a little.

“You start dying slowly,
if you do not travel,
if you do not read,
if you do not listen to the sounds of life,
if you do not appreciate yourself!

You start dying slowly when you kill your self-esteem, when you do not let others help you.

You start dying slowly if you become a slave to your habits,
walking everyday on the same paths,
if you do not change your routine,
if you do not wear different colours,
or you do not speak to those you don’t know!

You start dying slowly if you avoid feeling passion,
and its turbulent emotions,
those that make your eyes glisten and your heart beat fast!

You start dying slowly if you do not change your life,
when you are not satisfied with your job,
or with your love, or with your surroundings.

If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,
if you do not allow yourself,
at least once in your lifetime
to run away from sensible advice!” ~ Pablo Neruda

With love,

New Seasons Present New Opportunities

Glitter star with the writing magic please

The cold crept in quietly this week. It’s to be expected given that we are now in June, in winter season and halfway through the year.

New seasons present new opportunities. While I wish I could be like the bears and take a light nap through the winter there is much to be figured out.

I find myself in the throws of wedding planning, in figuring out my professional path, in sorting out which continent to live on and mapping out a personal plan for at least the next year or so.

Adulting isn’t really for me on most days and now suddenly there is a plateful and more of it to do.

I often fantasize about living off the grid in a cabin in the woods and surviving off the land. We all know I probably wouldn’t last a day or two so now I am forced to apply my mind to things that are of great importance. And I have to make decisions. Big ones.

The fact that I haven’t yet lay on the floor and had a little melt down like a 3-year-old is in itself a miracle. Growth has occurred friends.

In all seriousness though this is just a short note to say that even though I have no idea how to plan a wedding, I’m learning. Even though I have no idea where or how I am going to work, I’m preparing. Even though I have no idea where I’m going to live, I’m researching and planning.

I’m on the train and it’s moving and that’s all that’s important right now.

The destination is unknown, and I have learnt in the last couple of years to be wonderfully comfortable with that.

I am sitting in TRUST.

That all will work out as it’s meant to. That the train will stop at the “right” stations. That the journey will unveil itself as magnificently as it has so far.

New seasons present new opportunities. Exciting adventures await. My hands are open, my mind alert and my heart is overflowing with love.

We are all going on the ride of a lifetime. You didn’t think I’d leave you behind, did you?

Love abounds, Life is good, and Miracles are aplenty.

Let’s vibrate in that.

With love,